 Fresh Squeezed
By: Yue Steele
Welcome to another edition of "Fresh Squeezed" where I, Yue Steele, present to you the most delicious of gossipy tidbits that I've dug up and are open for you to discuss. Since these people apparently made their personal matters public enough for our commentary. We'll start with some basic little bits of info and then get into the really juicy stuff. Hold onto your hats and pray that I didn't get a hold of your dirty little secrets!
Appetizers
Arianna Santa (Ho ho ho!) has recently been sporting clean clothes and a new appreciation for hygiene. While the stories behind her sudden transformation from creature from the Black Lagoon to looking fabulous vary, there are only two plausible reasons that could make sense for such an abrupt change. The first being suggested by a student familiar with the subject, alien abduction. His belief was that an alien had nabbed Arianna and recently returned to their home planet. While it may seem likely, it's the second reason that Arianna had in fact been posessed by a demon of some sort that makes more sense. I'm thinking one of the more foul of Satan's minions. A priest was recently seen on campus only the day before her first signs of normalcy and one can only assume that he was here for an exorcism. Be wary though, whatever bad juju was hanging around her before might still be there, ready to possess you next.
In other news, The Kensingtons are at it again, but a new worry has popped up that their brand of crazy is rubbing off on students! For those poor souls who do not know the Kensingtons, they are two siblings who are the sort of crazy that's hard to ignore. We all still have fresh in our minds Friday's incident with his home made "bubble" and Tuesday's panic attacks. But observations by sources have confirmed that a student by the named of Celeste Silverthorne is showing similar symptoms. Is this some new epidemic that we should be afraid of? While the main office has not confirmed any of this information, it might be best to keep away from the Kensingtons and Miss Silverthorne who should probably go see the school nurse as soon as possible!
It appears that the battle between the deliciously handsome Zane Morgan and his sister Zoe has livened up again, starting with a rather smelly joke on Zane's part. Zoe returned the favor by having Zane's phone glued to his ear. But anyone who knows Zane will know that he is quick and witty with his revenge and he somehow manage to nail all of his sister's furniture to the ceiling of her
| room. Zoe acted quickly and had one of the tech students photoshop Zane kissing another boy, which he quickly retorted with managing to make all of her clothes either two sizes too big or three sizes too small! The battle is still in Zane's favor, but we can expect some great things from Zoe in the near future!
Ashlee Walker seems to be up to her usual party tricks with kissing other girls and doing strip tease that thankfully Atticus or myself have stopped before going to far. Ashlee is looking to break her previous records of kegs chugged down since at the last part at The Pits she managed to finish three full kegs all by herself! Though there are still strong suspicions about her behavior at the Waldgrave party after the memorial of James Pearse may be more than meets the eye.
The Entrees
Stop the presses kids, because boy do I have three major stories that may change the face of the Ashwood social scene and possibly cause a family uproar! First off, it appears that Tuesday Kensington may not be crazy, but she could be permiscuous as well. A source tells me that he overheard Tuesday in the library with resident geeks Danny Jameson and Matthew Johnson discussing a possible ménage trios! Oo la la! Does big brother Friday know about his sister's not so innocent study dates? And does that mean all that counting she is doing is not OCD, but just to see how many guys she's done "favors" for that day? Or is she just going after the geeks since they are desperate and nobody else would have her!
It seems the library is not only popular for crazy kids to hook up with social bottom feeders, but also a place for secret lesbian lovers to converse (and possibly do a lot more than talking)! The same source who witnessed the Kensington Scandal (part deux) also managed to catch Trinity Redfern in a passionate conversation with fellow student Mimi Goodman, speaking of "soulmates." Could Trinity be following the same path her sister did and end up penniless and disowned? It looks like it since a source earlier in the day caught snippets of a conversation of two people close to Trinity who had inside information on their forbidden love story! Representatives from Trinity have yet to come forward about this matter!
In a related story, Ashlee's drunken antics seemed to have stirred up more controversy for Trinity's possible lesbian love affair. Many witnesses to the infamous "kiss" that Ashlee and Trinity shared at the party confessed eagerly to me that both girls seemed to enjoy the kiss. While Ashlee is nothing new to playing around drunk, Trinity however has only had a string of boyfriends and with her recent "secret
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lovers" meeting with Mimi, one can only wonder if the school's favorite bad girl has caught the eye of Trinity without realizing it!
When one thinks of Aubrey Harman they think of a saint-like girl who was not only named cheerleading captain this year, but a favorite for the "most likely to save the world" superlative for her senior year. But there's a dark side to Aubrey that not many people knew about, even me, until some startling firsthand information presented itself to me. During the summer Aubrey was dating David Ridgewater and at the beginning of the school year all seemed well. But not a day after the first day of school, Aubrey was seen walking around with a new arm ornament, this one by the name of Bishop Miller. David, who lost his good friend James that infamous night at The Pits, confided in a source that his lost Aubrey due to infidelity. While one might think it was David responsible, why was it Aubrey who so quickly found a new boyfriend when only the day before she had been seen smooching with David? It appears that Aubrey is no where near the saint we thought she was and could quite possibly be a femme fatale, so perhaps Bishop should start to worry about his status with her and if she is as faithful as she claims to be.
Just Desserts
Some new couples have been popping up around campus, one of which is Rory Dougherty, guitartist for The Chosen and pretty volunteer tutor Gisele Redfern. The two have been caught on several occasions flirting shamelessly and even attended several parties together. A source has confirmed that the two have played tonsil hockey on more than one occasion. Rumor has it that Rory is hoping to escort Miss Redfern to the dance where maybe she'll be willing to give up something every little virgin still has that every non-virgin lost.
Another suspected couple is that of Rudi Dunklesholz and Violet Zenoah, who somehow managed to forgive Rudi for groping poor Brinley Divins. For those who had the nerve not to read this article previously, Rudi being his usual unbalanced self managed to spill beer and grope Brinley's chest all under a minute and somehow manage to survive. However karma has hit him hard with even more unfortunate luck in tripping over anything imaginable, spouting random and embarrassing facts about himself including his love for chick flicks and pink bathing suits. But even despite that, Violet seems to have taken a fancy, though the two repeatedly deny it. But we all know what's really going on.
Stay tuned for our next edition!
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